…not enough coffee. Definitely not enough coffee. And before you tell me I’m addicted to coffee and that’s a bad thing let me tell you it’s a good thing. I don’t mind having coffee as a crutch, it helps me clean up 3 pee puddles, a crying baby that just wants to bounce, a dirty floor that manages to get dirtier every day even though I swear I cleaned it least a dozen times a day, and now laundry and the baby who is crying.
And a day has passed, puddles have come and gone, thankfully the last one, even though caused by the two year old, was just water. I found the bouncy play thing for the baby, and the laundry is getting…well, it’s getting done-ish. Husband has socks and shirts to wear to work, so that’s a win, right?
I made it through that day, I’m here to say, and on to another. I am learning to take a resting break, not just a zoning break. Some things are refreshing and some things are draining. A few timely blog posts, shared by friends, and some time in the Word, and some words with my husband have me feeling much less frustrated and a lot more calm.
I know there will be more puddles, and more dirt, and never enough coffee, and I know I can get through each day because I have before and because I have such good support and because our kids need me too. It’s amazing what our kids’ needs will help us rise too. I may feel defeated and hopeless, but I can’t show weakness, at least not that weakness. I need my kids to feel secure coming to me, like they can turn to me at any time and that I am strong enough to help them, even when inside I feel like falling into a puddle of tears on the floor.
One day when feeling overwhelmed by anxiety, cup of coffee in hand, I took a moment, a moment to sit on the porch and watch the cars go by, while sipping my brew. And a few times this last 7 or 8 days, I’ve sat in the rocking chair that’s in the kids’ room to pray the Rosary in the middle of the day, because I needed the still time, and I needed the focus, and if Mary can’t understand, who can, right? There was also the blog post that talked about taking two deep breaths before answering the kids, which I think is revolutionary and very helpful. It might also work well when talking to the husband. (That’s a joke)
Feeling refreshed now, and more aware of the clothes piles on every side (yet not overwhelmed by it), I think I will end here. My ending thought will be: If you are feeling crazy, anxious, and overwhelmed, like you don’t have any time to breathe, stop. Stop yourself, have a glass of water, or wine, or coffee, and take a deep breath. Maybe this moment is the moment where you say: “Sure, lets get those water colors out. What’s a little more mess, hmm?” Or maybe this is the time to load the kids up and take them to a hill for a run or just out for a walk around the block. All this mess will seem less daunting if you aren’t feeling so run down and defeated when you start. Oh, and don’t be so hard on yourself. Remember to always hold hope for a better tomorrow.