When I was a kid in church, I would find myself wondering about those Israelites who couldn’t listen to God (through Moses) and kept wandering off into the desert. Stupid people, I would think. What was wrong with them? Couldn’t they just listen to God and follow his commands. Sheesh.
Fast forward to adulthood and one more failed attempt at this or that (like keeping the kitchen sinks clean, praying with the kids every day, spending serious time in prayer each day) and finding myself feeling like a failure.
Then, there I am again in church, hearing about the 40 years in the dessert and it hits me: I’m those stupid people. God has told me what to do yet I keep trying other things, keep wandering off into the desert of my life where I struggle to get through each day without crying on the floor in despair.
Of course, I’m a mom and the kids would just think it’s a game and climb on my back, while bouncing, so the pity party wouldn’t last long, but I would still try to feel sorry for myself.
So, there I am in church and I realize I’ve been wandering around in the desert. I’m not a failure, just lost a little, but! Hope is to be had because I’ve read the scriptures and they make it to the Promised Land! Praise God. Now, I’m 36, so in the next 4 years I’ll get it all together, right?
(Art provided by my much younger self, recently found.)